A little about me…
Ok, so I’m starting a blog… Lordy bless. As if I don’t talk write and post enough right? So why am I starting a blog? Ok well, here goes… I’m good at lots of things, but not great, at like, any of them. I don’t think I’m very unique. There’s nothing that really sets me apart from other women and writers.
I just feel the need to get my voice out here. I own a small business, a dance studio. Studio ownership isn’t just your run of the mill, jo-sho, business to own. I teach and instruct children from ages three to eighteen. I see them through temper tantrums, through best frenemy dramas, through first loves, through high school graduations. Afterwards, I’ll hug the necks of a past students. Talk with them about navigating college, jobs, relationships, motherhood and so much more.
Dance, man, whatta hobby? Amiright? Someone just texted me yesterday stating it was and is their first love and that is very true, for some. Dance was my first relationship too. A LOT was happening in my life around the age of sixteen. That’s when I decided to choose dance seriously as a future profession, or maybe rather it chose me. The dance studio was my safe escape from the worries and stresses of outside world. A world morphing with cell phones, terrorist attacks, and the world wide web.
All of that vanished when I hit play. When I could release my worries. Focus on what my body was doing. Listen to the lyrics that became my anthems and set a goal of what I’d be able to accomplish. The studio was a haven. My front yard, my imagined stage. My barbies, my audience. I could envision a packed-out auditorium with an audience filled with my loved ones. I could hear the applause engulfing me. Spectators captivated by my performance and visual storytelling through my vulnerability as a teenager. And I promise you, if you have a dancer that loves dancing, then they envision that same thing. And if you once upon a time were a dancer then you get it.
Because dance was/is such a therapeutic hobby, it’s often hard to separate “dance”, the business/studio and “dance”, the soul satisfying activity that we all share in the same space. Not only that, but I also instruct my daughter, just as my mother instructed me. So, the cycle continues… of dance being not only the thing that puts food on my table, but the thing that will continuously bond me and my daughter together. And the pattern also repeats of dance being not only the thing that provides for my family, but the thing that takes me away from them because as an entrepreneur, your hustle isn’t just for you.
So, while I’m not very unique, I am very relatable. I am just a woman trying to do life the best she can:
A Christian: The Christian walk is always a hard one. It’s the process of contanstly looking inward. To see and feel where you need healing. To give forgiveness out like breath mints. And, maybe most importantly, to filter out some things so you can best serve and honor the Lord. IT’S HARD! And I’m not here to tell you, it’s easy. But I do want to share some of my story about how I came to be on fire for God. Y’all, I was not always like this. Please believe me when I say it wasn’t easy for God either to save a wretch like me. He had His mighty hands full.
A Mom/Mama/Mommy: And with that comes all the things, right? I am trying to raise a really funny, quirky girl into being the best human being she can be. So, I’m a mean mom at times. The one that grounds and takes away, makes her clean her room, makes her apologize when she’s done wrong, and expects her to behave. As a parent, I believe in consequences for actions and follow through with my promises. My daughter is dyslexic and has ADD. Both are no excuses for her to NOT make good choices. She understands that. Since we recently found those answers, I’ve realized both of us have to approach school, learning, and the definition of success for her a bit differently.
Divorced: dummdummdumm the dreaded d word. So not only am I a mama but I’m also a single mama. And just stating facts here, I am a mama that doesn’t receive any financial support from my divorce. So yes, I do all the humbling, undignified things. I have applied for government assistance, more than once. I shop off the clearance racks, I coupon, and take donations whenever I can. The mom guilt of having to prioritize work and saving money is real. It can be felt in your bones on sleepless nights, while you toss and turn thinking about what you didn’t get to do for your child that day.
Entrepreneur: I’ve always fostered an entrepreneurial spirit. When I was younger, I gather all the petals that had fallen from my grandmother’s hydrangeas bushes and other flowers. I would lay them out on our front porch to dry, and bundled them up to sell potpourri. I also tried to compile a family cookbook as well as start a newsletter for our road and neighbors. My best friends and I planned whole day camps for children that the babysitters club members themselves would be jealous of. (It never happened.) And I drew out layouts and created menus for restaurants I would own and operate one day. (Also, no.) That drive is special. If you have it, keep that!
Motherless: This is now going on five years I’ve been without my mother. She passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack and 57. I never understood the gravity of when people say it changes the fiber of who you are, until it did. I was so angry at God and honestly at everyone who still had their mother. I was so hurt that God would take away such a wonderful woman, the best dance teacher, my biggest fan in life, my best friend. This world gets even more hard to process when your processor isn’t around to call or text. The residual pain still hurts so much. Sometimes, not because she’s gone, but because I’m having to sift through all the things her absence has brought, alone.
Homeowner: I recently bought a 1900 farmhouse and uhhhh, it’s taking a long time to be Pinterest worthy! Patience isn’t one of my virtues. I’m passionate for diy projects but most of my ideas end up looking like middle-school shop or art assignments. I want to be that woman. She gets the laundry out on time, sweeps every day, has decorative throw pillows to change with the seasons. Truly, seriously like Martha Stewart and Joanna Gaines… thats my endgame but I fall short of that all the time! I want to design and decorate my house with Southern Living magazine excellence. That’s where my perpetual battle will be happily fought.
Anybody else with me?
There are many other things I could add to that list. Sister, Daughter, attempted success at home cook. Anyways, point is, I’m compiling my life here. And I’d love for y’all to join me on this adventure. With some things, I’m sure we’ll both say, “Holy mess!”, and that’s just it. It’s one big Holy Mess.
K Bye
Megan
Doing life, the best I know how…